Midnight
Midnight comes, and I am still awake.
Tossing and turning, wishing I were in your arms.
Where I know I am safe and cared for, a feeling I will never forsake.
Those are feelings I am missing, as I struggle to find sleep before I am reminded it’s morning by the sound of alarms.
Midnight is upon me once again as sleep calls to me but still seems a bit out of reach.
My brain taunting me with the negative thoughts that you are not here to block.
The ones saying I was sent here to love, not be loved; to care so that kindness I may teach.
To heal others as I take on their brokenness, and pain; wishing my heart, I could lock.
Midnight, when quiet starts to take over around me, and the louder the screams from my past get.
Unable to escape being haunted by the pain; not forced to live with trauma responses thar make my life even more of a mess.
Knowing not too many people will want to stick around; at least not that I have met.
A lot of the ones that do try to get close; are not good for me, and of them, I wish there were less.
Midnight is here and you are not because between us there are too many miles keeping us apart.
I know having you here would help me sleep, you keep the negative thoughts away.
If only we were closer; I thought distance would be good, so we wouldn’t get attached; I should have known better from the start.
Now the distance only gives my mind more ammo to use; the most damaging, being the fear, you won’t stay!
-Angela Stull
