Midnight

Midnight 

Midnight comes, and I am still awake. 

Tossing and turning, wishing I were in your arms. 

Where I know I am safe and cared for, a feeling I will never forsake. 

Those are feelings I am missing, as I struggle to find sleep before I am reminded it’s morning by the sound of alarms. 

 

Midnight is upon me once again as sleep calls to me but still seems a bit out of reach. 

My brain taunting me with the negative thoughts that you are not here to block. 

The ones saying I was sent here to love, not be loved; to care so that kindness I may teach. 

To heal others as I take on their brokenness, and pain; wishing my heart, I could lock. 

 

Midnight, when quiet starts to take over around me, and the louder the screams from my past get. 

Unable to escape being haunted by the pain; not forced to live with trauma responses thar make my life even more of a mess. 

Knowing not too many people will want to stick around; at least not that I have met. 

A lot of the ones that do try to get close; are not good for me, and of them, I wish there were less. 

 

Midnight is here and you are not because between us there are too many miles keeping us apart. 

I know having you here would help me sleep, you keep the negative thoughts away. 

If only we were closer; I thought distance would be good, so we wouldn’t get attached; I should have known better from the start. 

Now the distance only gives my mind more ammo to use; the most damaging, being the fear, you won’t stay! 

 

-Angela Stull