Spirit of the Wolf

 Spirit of the Wolf  

 

The spirit of the wolf is part of me, it is part of who I am, who I have always been... 

Making me stronger, more caring, more loving than most but also capable of an undeniable viciousness when cornered... 

I will not let anything break me or bring me down; I will always win... 

I may take a beating, but I will always walk away from the fight and continue forward! 

 

I have the strength of my pack within me, and a link between us to keep us close despite any distance... 

They have my back when needed and will reach out if I call... 

The spirit of the wolf is in each of us, and we cannot ignore a call for help from one of us, it is part of our existence... 

So, if you come against me or any of my pack, you come up against us all! 

-Angela Stull

Today Marks Twenty-three Years

 Today's post hits hard and brings back a flood of memories from the worst day of my life. Twenty-three years ago my middle son passed from SIDS, though paramedics were able to resuscitate him at home before transporting him to the hospital. The doctors spent the night battling to save his life, but it was too much for his little body. So, on 2/27/02, he was unhooked from all machines and I held him in my arms as he took his last breath. He was two weeks shy of being nine months old.

That day could of ended me, instead it changed my life forever. I moved across the country, completely starting over and building a new life for myself. Which I must say is still a work in progress but it is me moving forward through the grief!

Thank you for taking the time to read my post today, your support is very much appreciated!

Today Marks Twenty-three Years 

Today marks twenty-three years since I held you in my arms, saying goodbye as your heart took its last beat. 

By far the worst day of my life, I drank a fifth of vodka and even it could not numb the pain. 

Twenty-three years later and the agony of losing you is still raw and very much there, still overwhelming me; leaving me no retreat. 

Most days are okay, and I have control over my grief, but days like today; the memories threaten to drive me insane! 

 

Grief never goes away, especially when you lose a child; it still feels like yesterday, though today marks twenty-three years. 

Not a day goes by without a thought of you, and each year on this day, my mind is flooded with you. 

I have no control, I am useless to everyone, barely able to function; doing everything through my tears. 

You were an angel, your love was magic; helping and healing those it touched during your brief life, like you were meant to do! 

 

I will never understand why you had to die, why my baby could not stay with me and grow into a man. 

Today marks twenty-three years since I lost you, and I am still no closer to an answer than I was that day. 

I will likely never know the reason I grieve you rather than celebrate life’s milestones with you; I suppose it just was not in the plan. 

So here begins another year of missing you, another year without understanding why you could not stay! 

 

Today marks twenty-three years if missing you, Anthony; the pain still as fresh and real as the day you died! 

 

-Angela Stull, 2/27/25 

In loving memory of my baby boy, Anthony 6/6/01 - 2/27/02 

Beautiful Together

Beautiful Together 

 

There is no way around it, and no denying it; you and I are beautiful together... 

When we are together, we glow differently because we love each other right... 

We are beautiful together because we were born to love one another, we are meant to be forever... 

We are beautiful together, everyone who has seen it says it too, the way we glow together is quite a sight! 

 

We are beautiful together because we were drawn to each other, our paths were meant to cross... 

Fate said we are a match, and in time we will figure out the kinks... 

We’ve both been through a lot up to this point, each having to deal with loss... 

But I believe each thing we were dealt and survived was just adding to our chain that was bringing us together, each adding a link! 

 

Bringing us closer and closer until the night we finally met, and our souls sighed, and said “oh there you are” ... 

We felt the connection, as you said, “energy doesn’t lie” and we instantly could not stop thinking about one another... 

We each have had a long journey full of challenges and struggles, mine even brought me an extraordinarily long distance, from where I started, Washington state to New York is far... 

Now knowing where my journey was bringing me, makes it all worth it, because we are beautiful together! 

 

-Angela Stull 

Now We Are We

 Now We Are We 

Maybe you manifested me, or maybe you were written into existence just for me; either way, now we are we and that is as it should be. 

We may be late to join the party, but we found each other which is what is important and now we are we. 

We met when it was our time, and getting our footing took a bit; now we are we and this is the beginning of something beautiful; you will see. 

This love is just getting started, the magic of us has only just begun now that we are we; I belong to you, and you belong to me! 

 

Now we are we, as it should be, and this once in a lifetime connection is ours to keep. 

We are going to build something amazing together because now we are we, and our feelings run deep. 

This has been a long time coming whether we knew it or not, now we are we; our reward for the shit we have survived, and I don’t know about you, but this is a reward I plan to reap. 

Now we are we, as we should be, and our future can be so much brighter now that we made that first leap! 

 

Good things will be manifested now that we are we, and positive outcomes will be written into existence. 

Sometimes good things do come our way, even when life has been especially unfair; now we are we, and I know our love can go the distance. 

Now we are we, as we are meant to be; our love even surviving our initial resistance. 

The challenges are still many, but now we are we, stronger together, with peace and love on our side; because we deserve this chance! 

 

I am so happy that now we are we! 

 

-Angela Stull