Today Marks Twenty-three Years

 Today's post hits hard and brings back a flood of memories from the worst day of my life. Twenty-three years ago my middle son passed from SIDS, though paramedics were able to resuscitate him at home before transporting him to the hospital. The doctors spent the night battling to save his life, but it was too much for his little body. So, on 2/27/02, he was unhooked from all machines and I held him in my arms as he took his last breath. He was two weeks shy of being nine months old.

That day could of ended me, instead it changed my life forever. I moved across the country, completely starting over and building a new life for myself. Which I must say is still a work in progress but it is me moving forward through the grief!

Thank you for taking the time to read my post today, your support is very much appreciated!

Today Marks Twenty-three Years 

Today marks twenty-three years since I held you in my arms, saying goodbye as your heart took its last beat. 

By far the worst day of my life, I drank a fifth of vodka and even it could not numb the pain. 

Twenty-three years later and the agony of losing you is still raw and very much there, still overwhelming me; leaving me no retreat. 

Most days are okay, and I have control over my grief, but days like today; the memories threaten to drive me insane! 

 

Grief never goes away, especially when you lose a child; it still feels like yesterday, though today marks twenty-three years. 

Not a day goes by without a thought of you, and each year on this day, my mind is flooded with you. 

I have no control, I am useless to everyone, barely able to function; doing everything through my tears. 

You were an angel, your love was magic; helping and healing those it touched during your brief life, like you were meant to do! 

 

I will never understand why you had to die, why my baby could not stay with me and grow into a man. 

Today marks twenty-three years since I lost you, and I am still no closer to an answer than I was that day. 

I will likely never know the reason I grieve you rather than celebrate life’s milestones with you; I suppose it just was not in the plan. 

So here begins another year of missing you, another year without understanding why you could not stay! 

 

Today marks twenty-three years if missing you, Anthony; the pain still as fresh and real as the day you died! 

 

-Angela Stull, 2/27/25 

In loving memory of my baby boy, Anthony 6/6/01 - 2/27/02